Return of Gifts 回礼 and Bride’s Gifts 嫁妆

Written by Master Rayden | 10 March 2010

This is the process when the bride’s family accepts the Betrothal Gifts and returns certain items to the Groom’s family as well as preparing the new bed for the Customary Wedding.

As we, Chinese always believes, 好来好去 meaning that every good thing or deeds given must also be returned accordingly. We have discussed this in Chapter 2.

The Betrothal process can be either simple or very complicated, especially when the families have elderly members who have their strict customary and cultural beliefs to follow through. Some parents may also follow as much as they can, although they belong to the younger generation as compared to their parents.

This is because they want to uphold the family tradition as well as to do good for the new couple to live happily ever after and have loads of children too.

No matter how much the parents may want to follow in terms of tradition, through the evolution of time, they are aware that certain traditions are not as practical to follow as in their parents time.

Thus, some of the traditions are being replaced with the Ang Pow to represent the particular item needed in order to fulfill the customary wedding process.

Some of the items that are being replaced with Ang Pows include:

A pair of Sugar Canes

A pair of Chicken – One Rooster and One hen

A pair of Pork Trotters – Front leg

The bride’s family will have to return certain portions or using other items to return to the groom’s side and this process is known as Return of Gifts 回礼. In the ancient days, the Betrothal Gifts might be given many months before the actual wedding and the Return of Gifts might be done nearer to the wedding day.

Presently, we do not normally practice this, as it is more practical for the groom’s side to select an auspicious date/time to send the Betrothal Gifts 纳彩, 下娉 or 过大礼and the bride’s side will also practice the Return of Gifts 回礼 on the same day.

This day will also be the day that the wedding cakes and invitation cards are being distributed to relatives.

Do take note that most parents will still want to deliver the cakes and invitation card to their elders by hand. So you will have to ensure that you select a weekend so that you have time to settle everything within the day, it is normally from morning till night, especially when you have lots of elderly relatives to visit.

The bride’s family would have to return partial or replace certain items as stated in the table below and this is accordingly to the individual dialect groups.

Most of the other common Betrothal Gifts still applicable presently and not required to be returned to the groom’s family, this differs among different Dialect Groups:

Applicable to most Dialect Groups:

Cakes with Cream Toppings come in small square pieces and mostly eight to ten pieces in a box (depending on how many boxes are being requested by the bride's family)

Cantonese

A whole roasted pig

A pair of bangles carved with Dragon and Phoenix龙凤琢

Teochew

Packets of Peanut Candies

Four types of Gold accessories 四点金 – for example, necklace, pendant, a pair of ear rings, bracelet / bangles

Hokkien

Chinese baked Cakes (Big Biscuit)

Packets of Rice Candies

A bunch of Bananas

Pineapple

The entire Betrothal gift items will be packed into a big and round multi-tiered bamboo basket that is used for wedding occasions. The bride’s family will place the items to be returned into the bamboo basket and return it to the groom to bring home.

Bride’s Gifts 嫁妆

After the Betrothal Process, it is time for the bride’s family to present gifts to the bride, this process is known as Bride’s Gifts 嫁妆. In the olden days, this will gave the bride's family a chance to show off their social status and the items that they give is meant to show just how much they love their daughter. Most wealthy families often included maids to serve their daughter after is married into her new home.

It will really depend on your dialect group in order to determine what to get, however nowadays; it is the young couples who would need to go around sourcing for such items instead of their parents.

I know that there are some shops in Hock Hai 福海 Building near Chinatown still sells Traditional Customary Wedding stuffs.

I have listed out some common Bride’s Gifts 嫁妆, there might be more to be added according to dialect groups’ individual traditions. The lists of common items are as stated below.

• Double Happiness 喜喜 stickers to be used to stick on to almost all the wedding related items, house and bride’s room/bed etc.
• Tooth brush, toothpaste and mug set.
• Basin, face and body towel with 喜喜 printed or embroidered on it.
• Chamber pot
• A pair of bowls with chopsticks
• Sewing set including basket with scissors, threads, measuring tape, pins and pin-holder etc.
• Sewing machine
• Comb
• Cosmetics
• Night gowns
• Tea pot set for Tea Ceremony on the Customary Wedding Day
  One or a pair of flask depending on dialect groups
• A pair of electric or kerosene table lamps
• A pair of embroidered pink or red colour satin slippers

Tooth brush, toothpaste and mug set	Sewing set including basket with scissors, threads, measuring tape, pins and pin-holder etc.
Sewing Machine	Comb
Tea Pot Set	Table Lamps

Hope that you have enjoyed this chapter as much as I had while writing it. I am not the subject matter expert. This is my little effort to put our traditional wedding culture in writings and spread it to as many of the younger generations as possible.

If any of you have more valuable information to be included into any of the articles, you are most welcomed to email it to me and I will add them in accordingly.

Best regards,

Rayden Sim

Tian Lu Feng Shui